tziaaa, your obsession♥

Date: Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Time: 11:03 PM

re-dye

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I re-dye my hair =)

dark brown.

Chian wei came over to visit.
After listening to her stories.
I felt so lucky being with HIM.

Some camwhore pic at work place.
enjoy yea!

..
....
......

Boyfriend came over to see me.
even though is raining outside.
He went out during midnight to reload
just to call me.
Boyfriend, I will appreciate everything you did =)
loving you more & more.
I will always be your naughty girlfriend.
xoxo

Date: Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Time: 11:26 PM

all I need is you

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Celine visited us today =)

I really tried to let go everything just like that.
Thank you for keep holding me back.
Thank you for not giving up in me.
I want you back badly. All i need is you. =)
I couldn't survive even one day without you.
I know I will regret if I don't go back to you.
You are my everything darling. Keep your promises.
Promise me not to lied to me & hiding things from me anymore.
& I will keep mine too. that I will never leave you again.
I will hold you real tight. cause. I love you.
I will cherish your love for me. never again take it for granted.
I'll learn to tolerate you. not to be so stubborn & unreasonable anymore.
I will learn to think on your side. Understand your situation.
Even though we might still have lots of argument.
But no matter what. My love for you is true.
I want to be with you always. Don't you ever suspect my love.
& my love for you will never fade because of that.
remember you said argument is good for relationship. hee. =)
Thanks God that we are still together. I'm proud to have you.
I LOVE YOU! you are my addiction.

Date: Monday, January 28, 2008

Time: 10:42 PM

confused

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I'm confused.
I trying to let go before I go too deep.
I had once fall hard. I don't want any 2nd time.

I keep telling myself he is serious to me before that.
I thinks he is sweet enough to come over to my work place just to see me.
Nice to send me sweet messages when I'm down.
Caring enough to buy me my favourite donuts & make sure I eat 'em.
Kind enough to call me up.
Smart enough to help me in my studies.
Tall enough for me to wear high heels when walking with him.
& I trusted him whenever he said no.

But everytime I failed to see him when I really expecting to see him.
& failed when waiting for his call when I am waiting desperately .
I got disappointed.
worst came to worst.
when
he lied to me.
hiding things from me.
so much of lying and hiding.
what I am for him. Sigh.
I thought I'm the one who supposed to know everything bout him.
& when I realize..
I'm not so important for him anymore.
maybe I'm just not good enough.
In fact, I am bad.
I admit I'm a stubborn, unreasonable, selfidh girlfriend.
I don't worth his love.
people told me.
" yeah la, he memang like that la."
" Taylors alot pretty chicks wei. gone la you."
" He got you happy, lost you also nothing one la. "
I don't want to trust.
But. I just feel that it is the fact.

Before I ask for IT.
he had never care much to call me up
or maybe come over to look for me.
Instead he spent his time playing pool and else with his friends.

I don't feel heartbreak anymore.
Just sad and disappointed.
I had touched something that I had anti all the while.
I thought it will help me to feel better.
but useless.
I still feel fucking down.
I smile, I laugh.
You will never know how bad I feel.
but well. I guess I had gave up much earlier.
& Finally, I made my decision today..

But his words touched me & keep holding me back.
I read his blog and made me drop my tears.
I don't know what should I do.
Should I go back to him.
Spare me sometime.
I'm really confused.
I will definately.
miss his kisses.
miss his hugs.
miss his sweet messages.
miss talking to him.
miss everything.
I'm really afraid I will regret after everything.
Sigh.

Date: Sunday, January 27, 2008

Time: 10:48 PM

apologize

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mood : still emo.
tune on - Apologize.

I'm still unhappy today.
though he had apologize a million times.
arghhh. maybe I'm the one being unreasonable huh?
He's out of credit and unable to call me.
I'm thinking.. He can plan to go to club.
He must has some cash with him right?
Can't even call me? abit impossible.
fuck.. I am thinking too much.
I tried to message him today.
But everytime I finish typing a message and trying to send it out.
I just cancel it. I don't want to start another argument with him.
maybe. time is really needed this time.

Thanks Abel for caring so much. =)
Your call really made me feel better.
you are such a nice friend!

I prefer working now.
I can throw away everything when I'm busying.
& with some stupid colleagues that made lots of jokes that made me laugh.
Friends that can keep me accompany.
I hate to be alone.
I'll be thinking alot.
In fact, too much of useless things. =(
However, I'll be working till 31st jan only.

oh yeah. and.
There's someone who using my picture as his primary picture in friendster.
That wasn't that bad yet huh.
Then...
he told me he will pay me for that & his cousin knows me.
so. He will come to look for me.
wtf. I think's is damm funny!
and. kinda scary lo.

Date: Saturday, January 26, 2008

Time: 11:08 PM

disappointed

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Fuck this.
Smokers sux.

I'm supposed to go to the quicksilver revolution party.
But well, i didn't go.
due to my fuckin emo mood.
I'm so damm angry.
Maybe disappointed will suit more.
He lie to me & hiding things from me.
I seriously don't feel I'm important for him at all.
One whole day, not even a message from him till I message him.
Even when he know I'm not happy with him. he didn't message me.
*hey, it's holiday, don't tell me busy with college*
....
when I confronted him about what he did,
he keep denying it.
& asked me what's wrong with me.
He said he don't know what I really want.
I just want you to be true and honest to me.
is that really so hard for you?
& you had misused my trust towards you.
Don't blame on others.
You yourself know the best bout what happened.
I still love you.
but. just. too much disappointed.

Date: Friday, January 25, 2008

Time: 10:57 PM

HIM!

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Another working day.
today.. I would conclude it as a gossips day.
There's lots of gossips today =)

Mon came to visit me with her cute boyfriend.
I told her he's cute,
But she thinks I'm just trying to made her happy.
Whatever then.
so envy, those couples can shopping and spend time together.
& my boyfriend.
...
he came, but..
well, less than 10 minutes he left.
we have nothing to talk about.
and me don't feel like talking to him any longer.
the way he talk is like so different.
I guess he had mixed too much with his so called "BEST FRIEND"
Damm it. I damm don't like it.
it's like....
er.. I just don't know how to explain.
it's just sux!

Boyfriend use his house phone to call me alot.
we had been argue alot..
and need to settle lots of stuff...
well...
His phone bill is out.
he almost got slaughter by his parents.
I'm Teribbly sorry.

boyfriend.
I love you still.
but.
I don't like the way you act and talk now.
It's so much like HIM.
you know who I mean.

Date: Thursday, January 24, 2008

Time: 10:22 PM

yesterday

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Yesterday.
was thaipusam.
Pyramid is so damm crowded.
My shop...
I mean the shop I'm working at hit our target.
Yesterday itself we got 10K plus.. =)
My comission raise.. ngenge..
oh yeah.
I was the top sale for yesterday.
*applaus*

&
My pretty babes.
Miss Shin Yee & Miss Michelle
came over to visit me together with ivan.
I heart 'em.
I feel proud walking beside 2 pretty lady.
at the same time feeling jealous.
I wish to be as hot as shin yee.
I wish to be as pretty as chelle.
grant my wishes please.
lol.
I had to wake up and stop dreaming.
*slaps*

I spent my break time with this 2 lady at MNG.
and of course..
camwhoring =0

Damm my chubbiness.... =(

Looking huge beside this tiny doll.

I'm looking fugly here...

smiles =)

Pretty, i need a real date with you both =)

Date: Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Time: 11:13 PM

MCKY

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MCKY new arrival shoes.
I had got a pair for myself.
hearts.

Sister got a pair of MCKY limited edition pink shoes too =)

I have no sale at all today.
I'm not working at all today.
just hanging around with my friends that came to visit the whole day.
& camwhoring =)
God bless that my manager won't fire me before I resign.

Weirdos.

Act cool.
but.. look at ivan =.="

peace.

I just need a shoulder to lean on when I'm down.
I just need a hug when I'm deadly emo.
I just need a kiss to heal everything.
*hinting*

Any comment bout this skirt?

boredddd.

I must learn to appreciate things
that I had left behind now
before I regret.

Ivan looks the best among all the guys in my shop now.
I'm serious.
There's a new guy start working tomorrow.

hee!

Boyfriend is being sweet today =)
I love you still.

Date:

Time: 12:02 AM

Thanks

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Ooohhh
The visions around you
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surrounds you
Are secrets and lies

I'll be your strength
I'll give you hope
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call
I'm standing here all along

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right
Where you belong

Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart
This is a battle we won
And with this vow
Forever has now begun

Just close your eyes
With each loving day
Know this feeling won't go away

Till the day my life is through
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooooh I promise you

Nsync - This I promise you.

Thanks boyfriend.
I know I need you alot.

Date: Sunday, January 20, 2008

Time: 11:59 PM

unfaithful.

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My long long hair =)

* some pictures taken at work place *
I still enjoy working there =)

Lots more.
I am lazy to upload.
emo-ing.

Introducing my new buddy.
teng han=)
He is a really nice friend.

boyfrend doesn't has faith on me.
and keep putting blame on others.
I'm seriously unhappy over it.
But he doesn't seems to know.
He had never call me up by himself.
Wake up in the morning,
I had lots of msg in my inbox.
But none is from him.
Do we counted as broken up?
I don't know.
I'm disappointed though,
I had waiting for his call for days.
Only when i miss call he knows how to call back.
& sometimes didn't even pick up my call.
He is telling people that I'm unfaithful I guess.
my friends came over and tell me..
" if u don't love him, don't play him "
WTF.
If I really happen to be unfaithful to you.
you are the one who causes it.
remember!

Date: Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Time: 11:48 PM

0 comments

I didn't reply his 10 messages.
Because I'm expecting for his call since last night.
well... he end up telling me I'm expecting too much from him.
okie. no expectation then.

feel like giving up.

Date: Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Time: 1:05 PM

you WERE my everything

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Tuning in to ~ you were my everything.

This goes out to someone that was

Once the most important person in my life

I didn't realize that at the time

I cant forgive myself for the way I treated you, so

I don't really expect you to either

Its just, I don't even know, just listen

Your the one that I want

The one that I need

The one that I gotta have just to succeed

When i first saw you

I knew it was real

I'm sorry about the pain I made you feel

That wasn't me

Let me show you the way

I look for the sun but its raining today

I remember when I first looked into your eyes

It was like, I was there heaven in the sky

I wore a disguise

Cause I didn't want to get hurt

But I didn't know I made everything worse

You told me we were crazy in love

But you didn't care when push came to shove

If you loved me as much as you said you did

Then you wouldn't have hurt me like I ain't shit

And you pushed me away

Like you never even knew me

I love you with my heart, really and truly

I guess you forgot all the times that we shared

When i would run my fingers through your hair

Late nights, just holding you in my arms

I don't know how I could do you so wrong

I really wanna show you

I really need to hold you

I really wanna know you

Like no one else can know you

Your number one

Always in my heart

And now I cant believe that our love is torn apart

I need you and

I miss you and

I want you and

I love you cause

I wanna hold you

I wanna kiss you

You were my everything and

I really miss you

I need you and

I miss you and

I want you and

I love you cause

I wanna hold you

I wanna kiss you

you were my everything and

I really miss you

I know you gonna sit,

And play this with your new man

And then sit and laugh that you holding his hand

The thought of that, just shatters my heart

It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart

All the time we was off I was scared to show you

Now I want to hold you until I cant hold you

Without you, everything seems strange

Your name is forever planted in my brain

Damn it I'm insane, take away the pain,

Take away the hurt, baby we can make it work

What about when u looked into my eyes

Told me you love me

As u would hug me

I guess everything u said was a lie

I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes

Now I'm not even a thought in your mind

I can see it clearly, my love is not blind

I need you and

I miss you and

I want you and

I love you cause

I wanna hold you

I wanna kiss you

You were my everything and

I really miss you

I need you and

I miss you and

I want you and

I love you cause

I wanna hold you

I wanna kiss you

You were my everything and

I really miss you

I just wish everything could of turned out different

I had a special feeling about you

I thought maybe you did too

And you would understand but

No matter what u would always be in my heart,

And you will always be my baby.

Our first day it seemed so magical

I remember all the times that i had with you

Remember when you first came to my house

You look like a angel wearing that blouse

We hit it off

I knew it was real

But now I cant take all the pain that i feel

Reach in your heart

I know I'm still there

I don't wanna hear, that you no longer care

remember the times, remember when we kissed

I didn't think you would do me like this

I didn't think you'd wanna see me depress

I thought you'd be there for me this I confess

You said you was my best friend

Was that a lie

Now I'm nothing to you

Your with another guy

I tried, I tried, I tried, and I'm trying

Now in the inside it feels like I'm dying

I need you and

I miss you and

I want you and

I love you cause

I wanna hold you

I wanna kiss you

You were my everything and

I really miss you

I need you and

I miss you and

I want you and

I love you cause

I wanna hold you

I wanna kiss you

You were my everything and

I really miss you

And I do miss you

I just thought we were meant to be

I guess now we'll never know

The only thing I want is for you to be happy

Whether if your with me or without me

I just want you to be happy

something in the past goes through my mind when i heard this song.
well, past is past i know.
but.. it will still be deep in my heart.

had some argument with boyfriend last night.
I got lazy to explain. when i know it will made no different.
It got harder for me to communicate with him.
I bet he is feeling the same too. I'm sorry.
Sorry that i'm not a good girlfriend.
I would just apologize. as it will be the best way.
I don't need material stuff from you.
It just a simple hug will be more than enough.
but, i just don't get it.
Whatever i said, you think i am lying.
You chose to trust your friends more than me.
I am really speechless.
I admit that I really got lazy to talk to you.
Cause you will be suspecting with whatever I told.
And not interested with stuff that I'm interested in.
when i try to explain to you,
you think I'm trying to made you jealous.
I'm not so free to do that.
Hmm. that's why I had been talking to my friends.
more than talking to you.
I feel more comfortable.
cause they wouldn't think I'm lying and suspect me.
cause they could click with the topic I'm talking about.
And maybe when they insult me, it doesn't hurt.
While if you are the one saying it,
It will definatly hurt me badly.
you are just someone important to me.
you get it?

Date: Thursday, January 10, 2008

Time: 6:09 PM

shopping!

0 comments

It's holiday today,

and my off day too. =)
so. went shopping with mummy.
brother sister and me brought a guess wallet for mom.

I got my own new uniform =)
MCKY new arrival.
loving it!!

posing
abit in front the mirror.

Mom got me three red new tops and two bottoms.
smell chinese new year?
brother sister got their new clothes too.

and.
I found my ALMOST lost wallet.
I almost cry!
that's from my boyfriend wei!
I thought I lost it.
searching for it all over the place.
luckily...
My colleagues found it,
I left it in my shop =)
Thanks God!!

Date: Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Time: 10:25 AM

Stress

0 comments

allow me to scream!

Stress.

He said he is stress because he is not sure whether his choice of studying accountancy and finance is right.
He said he not sure whether business really suit him.
As I know, his parents want him to be a chattered accountant.
& he is stress-ing over his future. He said he scared he will regret.
I don't know how to help him. It's his future & he had to decide himself.
He later tell me he should think thoroughly again himself & not to disturb me.
WTH. what I'm to him. I don't mind to be a listener when I know i failed to give advices.
Later on he text me again.
saying that he is okay already.
He told his college's friend what's pulling him down and they counciled him.
Alright, guess his friends is more useful than me.
I'm so useless that I couldn't cheer him up.
And can't even be there for him.
He said he don't want to disturb me. guess It means he don't need me.
I feeling bad for being such a useless girlfriend.

I don't feel good since the day he start his college.
I heard fucking lots of rumours that he asking girl's number, this & that.
Since he is denying all of it.
I know I am not suppose to believe in all those craps.
Instead, I should have faith on him.
But I just lost control after looking at myself.

I don't know how should I react.
can i like... get freed from all this?
I am dreaming over a fairytale relationship.
Love, which is sweet & simple.
and. Happy ever after.
with no jealousy, fights, misunderstanding and ..............

hmmm.

yours truly

Tzia Tzia a.k.a Cherlin.
UTAR PJ
Turns eighteen on this 4th of July.
An attest chocoloate indulger.
& a typical pink lover.
A certified romanticism, exceptionally dreamy and bubbly
Idolize Leah Dizon with an utmost hawt body, and Jaychou's fabulous songs.

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